Confessions

Sometime I think that my life is not getting easier any way and my choices are even harder and tougher than any time. I question myself about my university education, where it can take me to and where I can go with it. I ask myself if any thing other than computer science can be better and easier particularly when I think of what I can do. The matter is not that I changed my interest in computer science but just to dig out the other possibilities and alternatives.

I don’t know why I am thinking but I do that many times and about so many things like asking who I am and who I could be. Honestly it is pretty difficult even to answer myself whom i want to be. I am looking for myself every where, looking for passion trying ways to express what I can/not do, trying to express myself differently.

I don’t know how things gonna be; my friend advice me not to think about that because I am not a god. Guess what can a man like me think about? So many things about life love and future and i am just normal to think,,, well i have stopped being possessed by such thoughts because I want to live the life and enjoy it. It is such a relief for me to take my mind off these things but who on earth can take his mind completely off these things!!.

I believe in love as a power, nature and extinct and I appreciate it a lot because love is one of the miracles and wonderful creations we could ever think about. Personally, I can not have an image in my mind about life without love.

Gandhi once said “where there is love, there is life”.

I hate to be in continuous free time or distracted by any stuff out there; efficiency is my biggest battle I am trying to cut off all the things that stop or prevent or even slow my progress and like every furious fighter winning is not I always can get sometimes lose make me think critically about my battle, perhaps fighting the battle is the best thing I can get.

The closer we are from the final exams the more anxious and worried I became. I don’t like to measure my understanding roughly it doesn’t make me feel my real and original abilities. Doing a whole coding of one program using my notes doesn’t make me feel better like doing just half of it using my personal comprehensive understanding. Some students take it normal to find them selves weak in some parts of the curriculum, but I really lose my appetite to sleep when I realize the amount of topics I haven’t understand yet. I try to use the time before the exam to cover the uncovered parts but it is the tedious thing someone doing is to try that.

I suffer because I am famous in this campus its like every body is looking and waiting for your mistakes. My friends lough and make funny sounds when I enter the class 10minutes late. Even though I don’t come late usually and there are bunch of students who are really late everyday but the people cannot recognize anyone else, what do you call that fame side effects!! how ever that keep a pressure on me even though i still don’t care about what other could think. Many time I have tried to understand why me and the only reason that make sense is the popularity and that is how I accept it.

I have the uncertainty about many things and my only motive for now is just to carry on and see where I can go, there might be many things that I have no idea about and I am sure there are.