What words can interpret what I feel?? it has been quiet sometime since the last post, well it wasn’t easy time. I got to chose a university to be transmitted to and that is just the main point. I have applied to a number of universities and almost got accepted by all, passed interviews and got 5 guaranteed choices. As much as I am lucky student I have a lot of unlucky things. I have left my high school in 2009 and started in my first university – hence I have more than one!! – in 2010 and that was for engineering. I quit and traveled to start all over again in Malaysia from the scratch in 2012. This year 2014 is my fourth year since then I am suppose to graduate by 2016 yet because of the unlucky things that happen I have to move to another university and complete what I have started.
You may think that these are normal things or they often happen to some people at least. Let me assure you that these are extraordinary things happening and for me the plant the revolution within me. The preferred university for my is public university and the program period is 4 years, but they are not going to accept any credit transfer. In other way they want me to start all over again for the second time in my life only to get bachelor degree!! who on earth is going to accept this? but it is a world rank university with strong reputation in the globe, how you can resist that??
I have been offered by 3 public universities to study my bachelor some in computer science and one in information technology, because of my high CGPA they offered me but I won’t be able to take that CGPA with me anyway. I can go to private party university and finish just in half that period!but what I will get out of this? I have all the choices in hand but its harder than ever to pick any of them. Because in computer science field the practical background is ultimately crucial when you come to find job, and personally I should ‘ve joined the market world if things flow smoothly like I was thinking in high school but life wasn’t expected at all. For me it is hard to the limit of hurt and pain.
That all just one side, the other side is that I have new scholarship agreement that is not fair and obviously bias for the sake of the sponsor. The agreement is taking so much than any one can imagine violating my personal life and limiting me to be an absolute free of right to even questioning them or getting an answer for anything I could ask about. I am not allowed to work in paid or unpaid job, not to get married during the period of the contract with the sponsor foundation. By signing the contract I selling my soul to the devil, selling my rights for the unknown. This is happening and nobody can ask or discuss and if you want to know why such me gonna sign helplessly, look at us middle class and below from the third world who has no chance to make his dreams in ease.
What I can say when I do something I am fully knowing how unclear it is, I am never been helpless in my life before, but this time I’m just protecting my chance. There is no one in this world can do anything about it, as well no body can care of my dreams or bother to understand. It is my life and I haven’t chose for any of these things to happen to me, yet there is only one person who can bring those undreamed dreams true. I know how pathetic it sounds but what age could means if I graduate by 26 with only bachelor? or what bachelor degree do mean if all what I’m capable of is doing exams and junky programs. It still hard to make persons mind but life is just extremely complicated in its simplicity.
Studying isn’t everything because I am human and emotions are made us up. Love, compassion, persistence and all that flow in the vines when we meet our other half is adorable and very human but we are confined by the unhuman terms of the agreement and left no way. 2 years is very long time for person tastes love, yet he has ages before he can make his love complete. This is not to complain about what I have to go through but to let go all the grievances that I couldn’t tell to anyone.
I am not giving up,,,,,
The Voyager 